First love

Now that my work week is in full swing, I don't really have much to write about since my days consist of wake up, work, sleep, wake up, work, etc. So I think it would be nice for me to tell a little more about myself. I love reading/hearing about other people's past romantic relationships;I find them to show a side of people you wouldn't have guessed otherwise, so I thought I'd tell a bit about my own.

I have had three relationships in my adult life. The first began when I was in high school. We dated from my junior year of high school until about six months after I graduated from university. Looking back on it, I feel that we should have broken up after high school. Boyfriend #1 wasn't a bad person. He was funny, attractive, smart, and a great guitar player. But he was also self centered, lazy, possessive, and cheated on me more than once. He would have made a passable high school boyfriend; someone charismatic that you fall for, but who is too immature for the long run. I blame myself for letting it drag on the way it did. He was my first love and I didn't want to end it even when I should have. A few months after I graduated we were at the mall together and he wanted to stop in a jewelry store to get an idea of the kind of wedding rings I liked. Wedding? We had been dating seven years, we were "that" age, it seemed the next logical step, right? When I held that ring in my hand, everything felt so wrong to the point I felt physically ill. After that, I couldn't ignore my feelings anymore: I couldn't bear the idea of marrying this guy. After seven years together, I loved him but that didn't change the fact that he made me miserable almost on a daily basis. It was wrong to let it go on any longer. For the both of us. So I broke up with him. It took me a few more months to finally get the courage and will power to do it, but I did.

After boyfriend #1, I wanted a break from relationships. I had been dating from age 16 to 23. I was exhausted emotionally and ready to start the next phase of my life alone. At that point, to me relationships seemed like a burden, an obligation, a source of stress, and I wanted none of that any more. And I stayed single for the next three years with relative ease. In that time, I moved back by my family, started my career, and bought a house. It was a renaissance for me. I was free financially and emotionally for the first time in my life. I was very happy.

However, as the years went on and I had not gone on anything resembling a date I became worried that my singleness was no longer a choice, but a sign that something was "wrong" with me. I was surrounded by family or coworkers a vast majority of the time, but I felt that in three years I should have accidentally stumbled upon a suitable potential romantic partner. I felt I must be getting lonely because at 26, I was crushing hard on my brother's 19 year old friend. What was that, if not a symptom of desperation? The crush had been going on over a year when my boss took me aside at work. She wanted to know if I was single, since her daughter knew a great guy around my age that was looking, and she thought we'd be a good match. She wanted permission to give him my number. I said I'd think about it, but a blind date seemed like an unappealing relaunch of my dating life. However, when she asked me again a few days later I agreed. I had rationalized it as a way to get my mind off of this crush I had and get back in the game at least.

It's time for bed now, but I'll finish tomorrow.